When having the “power of choice” might be power that has gone to our head
I’ve gone back and forth so many times on whether or not it would be beneficial or helpful for me to share my heart regarding the highly sensitive and controversial subject of abortion. I mentioned in my “About Me” section that sometimes I may write from the perspective of a wife, a mother, a bonus mom (aka stepmom but bonus mom sounds so much more appealing), a therapist, but always from the perspective of a Christian. On this particular topic, it may seem like I would be influenced primarily by a mother’s perspective. However, my role as a therapist is what has given me even more of a burden for this issue.
I have worked with so many women who chose to make the difficult decision to have an abortion. Our society is pushing this idea that the power of choice, being able to choose, is the most important thing, and in ONLY focusing on the principle that we should be able to choose, it seems that many of us have glossed over or ignored the fact that what we are talking about is actually ending a life. The irony is that out of all of the women I have worked with that have had abortions, none of them have felt proud. The abortion was something that added to their pain, to their grief, and many of them carried an indescribable guilt and burden because of it. Certainly the opposite of the pride that we seem to be carrying as a country in being able to offer that choice. Why so much pain over “just an embryo”, if it “isn’t even a life” yet? Could it be that what God says is true… that when He said “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5) that He was without a doubt letting us know that life does, in fact, begin well before an embryo is considered a baby? Of course, as Christians, we know this is true. Yet why are we so enthusiastic to push this right to choose to end a life if we feel like it? How has it become so easy for us to dehumanize a life just because that life lives inside the womb? In the case of a medical emergency, I don’t think that anyone has ever refuted what may be a medical necessity. But, here’s where my unpopular, yet Christ-driven, perspective comes in (and supported by my own therapeutic experience).
The argument that really seems to be the touchiest when it comes to the decision of pro-choice is the case of rape. Yes, rape is absolutely awful and obviously a victim of rape likely was not expecting a child. However, consider what we’re suggesting here. To help ease the pain of the sexual assault, we’re making it ok and excusable to end a life; we are encouraging a woman that it is ok to kill a life living inside of her, expecting it will somehow help the situation. Let me reiterate that in my own work as a therapist, I have never met a woman who continued to be ok with a decision to have an abortion; most all of them still experienced a good deal of pain and shame. Instead of encouraging abortion as a viable option, what if we considered how going through with the pregnancy may be potentially healing to the victim? Just hear me out. If you’ve had a baby before, you know the amazing feeling that comes with growing a life and then seeing that life be delivered into the world. Whether or not the victim desires to keep the baby, what joy she might have in knowing she was able to bless someone else with a baby who wasn’t able to have one on their own. How healing this whole experience could be, but as a society it seems like we’d rather encourage her to add another trauma that she will likely have to spend years trying to heal from. God makes it clear that we will have trouble in this world, but He promises to bring good out of it if we are faithful, yet we are choosing to kill what may be His joy through the storm. Countless women I’ve worked with have stated that, in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, their child ended up being their saving grace, their reason for going on. I’m not saying the process would be easy, but what I am saying is that living with the burden of knowing you chose to end a defenseless life that was growing inside of you does not cancel out the pain of being a victim of unwanted sexual contact; it adds to it, tremendously.
Ironically, while many of these women receive encouragement that it’s ok to end a life, many of them have little to no support when they are left with the pain, guilt, and shame to follow; they are left high and dry with their pain only having increased. We’re so focused only on having the right to choose. So fixated on it that we inadvertently promote to women that they have an option to kill a life if they choose, but how many consider the emotional impact it will have later on in life? Why is our only concern whether or not we have a right to choose? Why are we ignoring the fact that when a woman chooses to kill that life inside of her, she is left with so much pain and anguish, but somehow it doesn’t matter because she exercised a right? I completely understand feeling frustrated with a politician making a personal decision for you… I get it. But let’s shift our focus from politics to focusing on the bigger picture… the reality of what’s really happening. We can’t keep making it so easy to dehumanize life just because that life lives in the womb. In difficult situations, WHAT IF we support the mother and offer emotional encouragement WHILE we protect the life inside of her. After all, preserving that life, even if that life goes to live with someone else, may likely end up being the best thing for the mother’s emotional healing anyway. Otherwise, how do we explain the anguish that almost always follows an abortion? Because God created each life, and He instilled in women a maternal instinct, and it was meant to be a good thing. It almost seems that we have let having a “right to choose” give us some imagined sense of power, but with that power we are attempting to take the place of God, to undo something He created. We do this so often, and then wonder why, as a country, we are becoming more depressed, anxious, and lonely. God’s ways are higher and a baby is always a blessing.
So we need to be mindful how much we are advocating for “choice”, at least regarding this specific issue. Every time we do, we have no idea how much we might just be encouraging someone who might be on the fence to go ahead and make a choice that she can never undo but might forever haunt her. And we’ll say it was her “choice” when, in reality, we were part of what got her there… all in the name of caring nothing but whether or not women had a choice, all the while ignoring the moral shift that our advocacy may cause. Regardless of what politicians decide, our stance on this topic should be clearly understood… as Christians, we need to recognize that life was created by God and that, even under terrible circumstances, a baby can be an absolute light and part of a healing for what may otherwise have been completely terrible circumstances… and that terminating a life is heartbreaking and will do absolutely nothing to help a woman heal. If a woman delivers a baby, she has a chance to truly feel empowered, strong, feel a sense of meaning, and heal… whether she keeps the baby or blesses someone else. If she decides to terminate a life, she is left dealing with more tragedy and pain. We need to wake up and think about what exactly it is that we’re encouraging.
My heart breaks for every woman out there working through emotional pain following the decision to abort a life. God’s grace is enough to cover even the worst of our decisions and I pray you will be able to accept that grace and find peace again in this world, if you haven’t already. And I’m sorry for any part our society played in encouraging you to make that difficult decision without warning you about the tremendous pain that would follow. My hope is that anyone reading this post might be able to consider a different perspective on this issue and that nothing is taken as combative or in any way judgmental, because that’s certainly not where I’m coming from. Thank you for taking the time to read and God bless you.
